All Of The Things That Made Me Happy This Week

Hi, loves!

I’ve been feeling super anxious, stressed and a little bit down in the dumps recently, and it’s a feeling I just haven’t been able to shift. I’ve lost count of how many hours I’ve spent crying to Matt, and us both knowing that nothing can be done to make me feel better, the anxiety just has to pass. I feel like every time I write about dealing with anxiety or feeling stressed I need to write DISCLAIMER: MY LIFE IS STILL GREAT. It’s almost like I feel guilty for having anxiety, for feeling a bit crap when really I am so happy with my boyfriend, our families and friends, and I have a dang great life. No matter how bad my anxiety can sometimes feel, no matter how many panic attacks or tense moments I may have, I know there is good in every day. Sometimes changing my perspective on things can help keep my anxiety at bay, so I challenged myself to recording nine things each day that made me happy in the moment, and I challenge you to do the same too!

I’m so lucky that I have a platform to share my thoughts and feelings, and I choose to share those because I want to help other people. I wrote a post very similarly to this one here, and I received so many messages from people saying they loved it, and that it helped them in various ways. Knowing I’ve made someone smile, see a different perspective or that someone really related with what I wrote beats every ounce of judgement I feel against the topic of anxiety.

Saturday 4th May
– seeing how happy Matt was that I made him breakfast before he left for work
– an hour long yoga session
– I spent my morning writing and editing blog posts snuggled in bed, whilst the wind and rain hit off the window
– I fully hinched our room before Matt got home from work
– the smell of Method Wild Rhubarb all purpose cleaner
– Matt and I ran errands together
– we visited with my grandma for a while and she was so funny (she’s pretty poorly and sadly going blind, but she’s at that point where she just couldn’t care less what she says or how she says it. It’s fantastic)
– wearing my Birks
– at Aldi we picked up ‘big daddy’ steaks for dinner. They were so good
– we snuggled in to watch the NUFC match with a homemade pick n mix (let’s just not talk about the score)

Sunday 5th May
– Matt and I got to lay in for the first time in so long! We slept for ten and a half hours and boy did we need it
– we had the laziest morning
– I caught up on Jade Billington’s vlogs whilst getting ready, her videos always make me feel so motivated and happy
– we got to spend a few hours with Matt’s grandma and mum, some of my favourite people
– watching KUWTK whilst Matt was out for a run/in the bath post-run
– making/eating Diet Coke chicken
– relaxing with a face mask on (Lush’s Mask of Magnaminty if you’re wondering)
– we got to snuggle on the couch all evening watching Mary Poppins Returns
– Emily Blunt *insert all of the heart eyes emojis* she’s my ultimate girl crush

Monday 6th May
– waking up to Matt’s cute little face. This makes my day every day, ngl
– Swiss Miss hot chocolate
– we had ‘laptop club’ before Matt went to work. (Matt works and I work on the blog, it’s a fun way to get stuff done but still be together :))
– my mum and dad came home from a trip away with their friends and we got to catch up on our weekends
– I edited two blog posts and took photographs for them both
– a Lush bath
– finishing another good book
– picky tea (including the best flatbread pizza)
– we got to spend a few hours in the evening with Matt’s parents after barely seeing them recently

Tuesday 7th May
– I got to stay snuggled in bed for an extra 45 minutes after Matt left for work
– my hair styled perfectly straight
– the perfect tuna mayo sandwich
– my work day went so quickly
– how soft my Brandy Melville Newport jumper is. I’ve had it for years and it’s just so comfy and cosy
– Matt’s phone call to say he was on his way home
– snuggling up with bae
– Liverpool winning in the craziest match
– falling asleep to rainforest sounds (we play waves or rainforest sounds every night. It’s becoming an obsession to the point we’re genuinely considering taking one of our Echo Dots on holiday hahaha)

Wednesday 8th May
– Matt and I woke up to the sound of rain hitting so hard on the window. I love rainy days
– having a little extra time to edit my blog before getting ready
– Twining’s buttermint tea
– I got our food shop done for the rest of the week in less than twenty minutes before work
– planning my blog posts right up until we go on holiday in June!
– eating a Wispa Gold
– looking at our holiday countdown and reading all of the Trip Adivsor reviews on my lunch break
– when I finished work Matt and I went for a little shopping trip so I could get myself an early birthday present! I got the Inspire HR Fitbit and my first impressions are great: I’m so happy with it
– receiving the sweetest message about this post that went live today
– having a super cosy snuggly evening

Thursday 9th May
– we got to lay in for a little while
– my godmother called me as I was driving to work and we got to chat, catch up and get some plans in the diary for Matt and I to go see them
– having just enough Alpro almond milk left for my cereal
– coming home from work to the smell of dinner in the Crock Pot (thanks to Matthew making Spanish chicken for us. It was SO GOOD. We make it slightly different each time, but I listed a recipe way back in this post)
– getting fresh gel nails
– having a hot shower and getting into my comfies after a long day
– an idea I had for my blog. Keep your eyes peeled, I’m super excited about it
– getting my first badge on my Fitbit, lol!
– watching Ambulance with Matt and his parents

Friday 10th May
– Matt and I woke up a minute before our alarm went off (this literally makes me giddy hah)
– driving to/from work listening to the new episode of Chris & Rosie’s podcast, Sh*gged, Married, Annoyed
– eating Burger King for lunch with the girls at work
– receiving the cutest text from my cousin after she got a parcel! Matt and I sent her some goodies from The Body Shop and she was so happy it made me happy
– fresh bedding. I got us a new set from Amazon, although I definitely should have ironed it first LOL! I just need to pick up some fresh throw pillows to spruce it up a little
– Matt arriving home after the longest day
– knowing that a week today Matt and I will be at Ramside Hall celebrating my birthday
– Ed Sheeran’s new song with Justin Bieber

Saturday 11th May
– we went to pick up Matt’s new glasses and he looks SO HANDSOME in them (obviously)
– getting our grocery shop done in record time
– hinching our bedroom whilst Matt was at work
– wearing mom jeans
Savannah‘s Instagram story. I’m so close to booking flights for Matt and I to explore Manistee, her beautiful home town!!
– getting Matt some treats whilst I was out (I definitely bought him Percy Pig’s too knowing he’ll share them with me…)
– the sweetest lady in Boots giving great customer service
– using The Body Shop banana hair mask and having a little pamper evening. It’s the best
– snuggling up with Matt, eating sugar cookies and watching Brooklyn 99 after dinner

Now this brings us right up to today, Sunday 12th May. Today I made Matt breakfast in bed before he headed to work, and I’m just about to go to Homesense to pick up some new candles! I have a day of working on the blog planned, followed by yoga, a bubble bath and a cosy night at the Scotney household… I can’t wait! Do I feel better than I did when I began writing this last Saturday? YES. Do I have a fresh perspective on all of the wonderful things in my life? YES. Do I feel extra happy and grateful and blessed for the life I have? YES. Do I still feel a little bit anxious and stressed? YES. Life unfortunately isn’t about moderation; you can feel lots of things at one time, and that’s okay. I love this quote I came across on Instagram a few weeks ago, I think it sums up my thoughts/feelings perfectly:

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

-Vivian Greene

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this post, and that it made you smile just a little bit. I hope you’re feeling good, and you too try to focus on the little things that make you happy more in the upcoming week! What has made you happy this past week?

-G x

Do Any Of Us Really Have Our Sh*t Together?

Hi, loves!

Today I’m talking about something I think we all need to talk about more: anxiety and how it can affect those that struggle with it on a daily basis. I wrote a post similarly to this back in August, which you can read here. This may have all come out like #wordvomit (if you know, you know) but if this post can help even one person that makes me so pleased, please know you’re not alone and we’re all fighting our own battles!

I’d just like to preface this whole post by saying I know I have a bloody good life. I have a boyfriend I adore more than life itself, we have the most amazing families, I have a job, I have my own car, I have holidays and trips to look forward to, I have the luxury of snuggling up next to the person I love every night and I have a blog I enjoy writing, amongst many other amazing things.

I try so hard to focus on the positives in my life, and I know there are SO MANY to look at. Yet, every so often, I feel so down in the dumps and I don’t know how to get out of it. I talked about all of the things I’ve been doing to beat the January blues in this post which has been a huge help throughout the past few weeks. Don’t get me wrong, the anxiety I generally feel is not an all-consuming, every minute of every day kind of feeling, but it’s there, niggling at the back of my mind. And it feels like it’s never going to go away. Usually, I begin to feel this way because I get a random bout of anxiety about something mundane. This time, it was the snow. Yep. To set the scene; Matt and I were having a lovely night, snuggled up watching Inside The World’s Toughest Prison’s on Netflix (highly recommend if you haven’t seen it, we’ve binge watched three seasons in just over a week!) after eating dinner, and I started uncontrollably crying. These are the kind of things you wouldn’t find featured on my Instagram story, but more about that later.

I feel anxious and apprehensive about the cold weather every year, and the thought of driving in it terrifies me to my core. I know that this specific topic is what was making me feel worried and sad; to the point I’d be wide awake at 3am, cuddling into Matt whilst he slept like a baby, but not being able to fall back to sleep myself. I’d spend way longer than necessary refreshing the Met Office pages each day, checking for updates on the likelihood of snow or ice, to the point it became a running joke with my co-workers (except for me, it wasn’t that funny). I’d be reading my book in the bath and suddenly feel a wave of worry wash over me, thinking about how I’d possibly make it to work tomorrow if it snowed overnight. This is all absolutely ridiculous, but hopefully it gives you a little back story into my pattern of thinking.

The stupidest thing is, I can drive in the snow and ice, and when I do it’s never as bad as I think it might be. If I really didn’t want to drive in the bad weather Matt would happily take me to work and pick me up, therefore eliminating the problem all together. I, now thinking rationally, can see that’s fine, and this issue doesn’t warrant worrying over any further. BUT, during the time of feeling generally panicked and anxious, that seems even worse – he’s putting himself in danger to take me somewhere, he’s taking time out of his day for me etc. It’s almost like my brain doesn’t want to provide a solution, and instead thinks of all the other things that could go wrong off the back of it.

Anyone who does or has suffer(ed) with anxiety will recognise what I’m saying above as being pretty standard. One little seed grows into a whole damn tree and the branches of worry get heavier as time goes on. Whether you suffer with anxiety or not, lots of us feel overwhelmed and uneasy from time to time. It’s silly really, most of us have feelings like this yet we don’t talk about it, and we don’t let people know how we feel. Then again, how could I really explain that I’m terrified about the prospect of snow, when the day before was 9 degrees and sunny.

The worry of bad weather in the past few weeks was just the start, and a familiar cycle began; I then started to worry about everything. Is my job safe? Will Matt and I save enough and find our future home by the end of the year? What if the restaurant we’ve made reservations for is too loud and I feel uncomfortable? These are, in the grand scheme of things, insignificant worries, yet in the moment they feel crushing and I’m stuck thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

I think one of the most important things I’ve learned, and I’m still learning, is there is a huge difference between worries we can control and worries we cannot. Suddenly not having a job? No control, I’d have to just find another. (Also, it’s thankfully very unlikely that would happen!) Not finding a house to make our home this year? No control, but I know that it will happen when it happens and we’ve always got each other. Feeling uncomfortable on date night? We can always leave and go somewhere else. If I’m able to take a minute and think logically – especially if I can vocalise my thoughts – I can separate worries I can and can’t control. The things I can control generally have obvious solutions, and the things I can’t control just shouldn’t be taking up space in my brain. I’m so lucky that Matt is always so understanding and reassuring, and makes me feel so much better.

Something that now, in hindsight, makes me laugh is the things that probably *should cause me to feel anxious generally don’t. Whether that’s waiting in line for a long time when grocery shopping, being stuck in traffic, the hustle and bustle of a football game, those kinds of things are just ‘normal’ to me, and don’t leave me in a tizzy.
*NOT give me anxiety, just the normal human emotion of feeling anxious

One thing that does heighten my anxiety is social media. In a world where we’re so connected all the time, I see what my friend’s boyfriend’s auntie’s dog is up to, and quite honestly, I don’t care. I feel strongly about social media in that it’s a great place to document our lives. It’s a great place to connect and share our thoughts with others, and to potentially make new friends. It’s a great place to support small businesses. It’s a great place to raise awareness of topics or campaigns. However, it’s also a place where we compare ourselves to other people, whether it’s intentional or not.

I love to keep up with other people’s lives, in the same way I love to watch hours of mindless reality TV. (Four hour KUTWK sesh? Count me in!) I scroll through Instagram several times per day and when I’m in a good state of mind, it either doesn’t alter my mood or it makes me feel happy. I really enjoy scrolling to find inspiration on outfits, where to go for our next date night or what our future home will look like, and it’s all in one place! I’m happy for the people sharing their engagement news, promotions, new houses, gym progress and pregnancy announcements that I see on a regular basis. I love seeing people’s children achieve milestones and relating to them in a whole other way. I love when people share, and sometimes overshare, on social media, but when I’m having a *moment* as Matt & I like to call them, then everything seems to be taken out of context and I feel bad about myself in comparison to the success of others, which is something I’m so embarrassed to admit.

The thing is, I know so many of us have this feeling, whether it’s related to anxiety or just a bad day. I’m a big believer in unfollowing people who make you feel rubbish regularly, but I think at some point we have to take the responsibility for this back, and look at why we feel bad. Is someone looking super hot in a fancy pants outfit you’d never wear anyway, and you’re slobbing about in sweat pants with no make up on? Is someone sharing gleaming photos of how they’ve hinched their kitchen and you’re wishing it was yours? Is someone travelling around the most incredible island you’ve ever seen and you know it’s not on you radar any time soon? Whatever it is, other people’s actions are not a direct reflection of you or your life. No matter how many green smoothies, cute date night pictures, or amazing shopping sprees someone shares, that doesn’t mean they’re any happier than you. By the same token, it also doesn’t mean they’re miserable and trying to look happy for social media. There’s a weird notion that people who look like they’re happy obviously aren’t and it’s all pretend, but that’s not necessarily true either. I know I share lots of my life on social media, but I can admit that I share way more when I’m feeling good, which I’m sure is the same for most of us. Happiness isn’t measured by being more or less happy than somebody else and we don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives unless they personally tell us. The reality is everyone has their own struggles, and we should focus more on ourselves than on other people.

Anxiety is a weird thing, but it’s also kinda wonderful. I’m going to end this post by sharing with you a few points on why I’m grateful to be working my way through anxiety, one step at a time;

I set time aside to do what truly makes me happy. I feel like I need little nuggets of good in the day (and not just the Quorn kind) to make me feel revitalised and refreshed, and as a result I make those things a priority.
The little things mean the most to me and always have done. Taking even just 10 minutes out of my day to read a book, spending my evenings cooking and relaxing with Matt, catch up on my YouTube subscriptions, fitting in yoga sessions, singing loudly in the car and other little things make me feel so much better. On the other side of this, I know when things make me feel nervous or uncomfortable and I’m able to remove myself from those situations.

I know how to plan. It may seem silly to some, but I generally have plans A, B and C for most situations, and this allows me to know my options, and to feel more comfortable in general. I talked a little bit about this in terms of social situations in this post if that’s something you’d like to know more about. A few more benefits of being a planner is that Matt and I will never miss a birthday or anniversary, can do our weekly shop pretty damn quickly, and we always have things to look forward to together.

I am more empathetic towards others. I think if I hadn’t struggled with anxiety on and off for years, I’d not be as empathetic as I am today. I genuinely feel others’ pain and struggles, and I’ll always go out of my way to help in any way I can. I am happy to talk through people’s problems and offer advice (when asked), hopefully helping people to feel a little better.

I hope by sharing this with you, you may have a little insight into my life you’d otherwise not know. I also hope that it may resonate with you, whether you feel similarly to me or whether it may help you see how someone in your life is feeling. Thank you so much for reading, I’d love to know your thoughts on this below! Also, in answer to the title, my opinion is no. None of us have our sh*t together, and that’s okay.

-G x